Conscious Awareness of Change

It may be hard to be in a relationship with someone who is committed to evolving.  Someone who is continuously learning, and shifting as they work to better themselves every day/week/and year…but what happens when you are single and you realize you’ve changed.  When you look back and realize that the person you were 1, 2, and even 5 years ago are so intensely different.  This is where I am.  I worked so hard starting this brand to help me find myself outside of the role exclusively as “Mommy” but what I’m learning is that Kendra has changed so so so much!  

See I made a promise to myself as motivation that I would not spend my extra moments watching TV, and Movies while I was in undergrad and graduate school.  It was a promise I made to myself to “motivate” me into accomplishing my goals at a greater intensity.  (What ended up happening was I still many times procrastinated AND didn’t get to watch the latest shows, or movies haha!)  

So upon finishing my graduate degree I was so excited to sit down and finally be able to “Netflix and chill”. But what I wasn’t prepared for was the evolution of Kendra.  See I’ve surrounded myself with some of the most successful people in so many different industries and they aren’t talking about the latest episode of a random TV show, they are the actors in those shows.  They are the authors of books, they are the CEO of multiple businesses.  They are using every moment to grow, evolve and change.  Yet I didn’t realize the change that had started within myself.  The hunger for growth and development that had been awakened in my soul.  The realization that I wasn’t meant to play small in this world.

So I sat down and put on a comedy TV show that I had watched years ago because I wanted to watch something that may make me laugh again.  But I couldn’t do it.  My mind couldn’t handle the stagnation.  I needed to be doing something productive, something I could grow from, learning something new.  I was frustrated I tried pushing myself to just relax and enjoy the moment alone and I began to think about the specific people that I’ve intentionally attracted into my life.  The one thing they had in common was they weren’t spending their free moments watching shows.  I then realized I had changed.  This was no longer a form of easy entertainment for me and it was OKAY.  I turned off the show and downloaded the book I had wanted to read; that was right where I needed to be.  

That’s not to say that I’ll never watch TV or movies again I think it can be a fun and exciting thing to do especially with special people and loved ones.  But it’s no longer my form of easy entertainment.  

This epiphany made me realize how much awareness it takes to be conscious of the change that is happening in those we are in a relationship.  Ourselves included.  I would be in no way compatible with the people I had been in romantic relationships with previously because our growth tracks were on completely different trajectories that would land us in vastly different worlds.  But it also made me stop to think of how important it is to be conscious of our own self and the change that happens with daily small steps of growth.  

Yesterday while I was reading a book by James Clear the author of “Atomic Habits” he talks about the changes in outcomes that can happen with a shift if even just a 1-degree change in course.  I myself didn’t realize that I had shifted course in my mindset a few years ago and hadn’t calculated how much of a positive impact that would make on my life today.  I knew it would be good but I hadn’t calculated the greatness it would bring.  

So with that may you step into the awareness of being conscious of the changes that are happening in your life.  If you don’t like the way things are going make even just a 1-degree change every day.  And be aware of the changes that are happening with those around you, your kids, your partner, your business, and most importantly yourself!